Forgiven And Forgiving

Being Forgiven and Forgiving Others

Have you ever been wronged by someone and found it hard to forgive them? Perhaps, you have been the one who did the wrong and want to be forgiven. Either way, forgiveness is not always easy to give of receive. But perhaps we make it too complicated. Maybe we think forgiveness requires grand gestures or long conversations when really, it can be as simple as a change in perspective. Let’s give it some consideration.

Consider These Things

1. Consider our part in the conflict
2. Consider what might have triggered the conflict
3. Consider, times past, when our choices caused others pain
4. Consider changing our hard-hearthedness to open-mindedness
5. Consider how our reaction might have further elevated the situation Consider turning off replay, and discontinuing the whole pointing fingers routine

We Have A Choice

• We can simply decide not to allow anger and resentment to live in the peaceful space of our hearts.
• We can decide to remove those things from our lives that do not cause us to flourish.
• We can choose joy over misery.
• We can choose peace and not chaos.
• We can decide to let it go. It’s our life. It’s our decision.

Both joy and resentment affect our state of mind. So, why not decide to replace resentment with joy? Sometimes, it’s difficult to remember exactly what initially caused the resentment between us an another party. When that is the case; it should be much easier to let it go.

Why Should We Forgive?

The Bible states that none of us is perfect and that we have all sinned. Yet, when the time comes for us to show forgiveness; we often forget that we were once in the same position.

Case in point: when Jesus publicly forgave an adulterous woman; the scribes, who were Masters of Hebrew law, were outraged. They wanted the adulterous woman to be stoned to death publicly, as the law stated. Jesus hushed the scribes by making one impactful statement “let he who is without sin cast the first stone”. No stone was thrown.

We have all said things that we could have kept inside. We have all done things we would take back, if it was possible. We have hurt people and we have all been hurt by people. But, it is stated in the Bible: If we refuse to forgive others, God will refuse to forgive us (Matthew 6:14).

Speaking from personal experience, I don’t want to live without the hope of forgiveness that only God can shower upon his own. Jesus taught forgiveness and lived forgiveness. If we follow his example, perhaps granting forgiveness will become easier. If we follow his example, perhaps it will encourage us to let go instead of burdening ourselves with harboring resentment.

Releasing The Toxicity Of Unforgiveness

Often, when we hold onto resentment and anger towards someone, we are really just hurting ourselves. It takes a lot of energy to remain angry at someone—energy that could be better spent on positive things like spending time with friends and family, pursuing hobbies, or working towards our goals.

The toxicity of holding onto grudges can actually lead to health problems like heart disease, high blood pressure, ulcers, migraines, and even premature death. In other words, learning to forgive can literally be a lifesaver. When we learn to let go and forgive, it gives us an inexplicable freedom.

The Benefits: What We Reap From Forgiveness

Forgiveness does as much for the one who was offended as it does for the one who inflicted harm. Studies have shown that people who practice forgiveness experience less stress, anxiety, and anger. They also have lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, and fewer symptoms of depression. We know that forgiveness is good for our physical and mental health, yet we find it difficult to do.

Moving Towards Forgiveness

If you find yourself struggling to forgive someone—or even asking for forgiveness—here are a few tips that might help:

Remember that everyone makes mistakes. We are all human beings capable of making poor decisions—even the people we love most. Try to see past the mistake to the person underneath.

Focus on the present and future instead of dwelling on the past. Don’t let what happened in the past define your relationship going forward.

Practice empathy. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand why they did what they did. This doesn’t mean excusing their behavior but understanding where they were coming from can help you find compassion for them.

Extend grace. Instead of waiting for an apology that may never come, choose to let go of your anger and bitterness.

Pray. Ask God to show you how to open your heart to forgiveness. Ask him to lead you in the right direction and put the words in your mouth that will speak forgiveness in a way that that touches the heart of the recipient

Meditate. Taking some time for yourself to relax and clear your mind can help you gain a new perspective on things. Often when we step away from a situation, we can see it more clearly and find it easier to forgive.

Forgiveness Is A Process

• Jesus freeely gave instantaneous forgiveness. When the actions of the crowd challenged his reason for forgiving immediately, he counter challenged.
• Yet, even now, we, as believers find it hard to immediately forgive. Sometimes, we take months or even years to fully forgive someone, instead of following Jesus’ lead. No need to beat ourselves up now.
• The important thing is that we start moving in the direction of forgiveness. A good starting point is: waking up from our “forgot I have been forgiven time and time again” amnesia.
• Then, start thinking from a forgiving perspective.
• We can remind ourselves at each thought of them that we're choosing to let go of the pain and suffering.
• Slowly but surely, our hearts can begin to open and, it will become easier to forgive and free ourselves from the bondage of unforgiveness.

Why Not Give Forgiveness A Try?

Everyone deals with conflict in different ways, but hopefully these tips will give you some ideas of how you can begin practicing forgiveness in your own life—for both yourself and others!

The next time you find yourself facing conflict—whether you’re the one who did the wrong or were wronged yourself—try some of these tips above and see how they work for you. You might just find that forgiveness isn’t as hard as you thought it would be!

The way that Jesus forgave was the inspiration for the Bible-ish™ Forgiven Collection. We pray his influence encourages you to extend forgiveness and, in doing so, heal your own heart.